There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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