Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
