I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
