the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
