everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
foreskin is a definite game changer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
