My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
