Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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