There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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