Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
