Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
