so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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