We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
