went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's the barista slut.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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