i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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