Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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