No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
