Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
