note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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