I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
