Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
