I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
