exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
