I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
