alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Please don't give away my fajitas
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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