I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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