im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
