Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
