well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
