How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
