He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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