??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
