You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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