Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
