and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
third nipple confirmed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
