i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
