I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
