i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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