this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
