I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
