The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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