I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
