found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
