Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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