i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
