Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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