seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
