I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this beer tastes like vomit already
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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