if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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