I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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