Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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