Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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