I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
