Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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